Buckle up, because this is a wild one
Then my wife left me for someone else, completely shattering me. I managed to gain sole custody of my son—a huge victory that I’m grateful for—but I lost everything else of monetary value. The divorce left me with nothing but my son, his belongings, and the clothes on my back. The five-bedroom house? Gone. The cars? Gone. Even my jobs became casualties of this chaos.
To make matters worse, I had to leave the state and move in with family to stay afloat. And then, to top it all off, my son’s mother robbed me blind, using what little I had left to fuel her addiction before overdosing and passing away.
I’m stuck in a mental place worse than hell. I’m doing my best to keep my nine-year-old son shielded from all of this because it’s not his fault, but the weight is crushing me. Some days, the dark thoughts creep in, but I remind myself that my son is the reason I have to keep going. He has no one else but me.
I’m working, but most of my paycheck goes to alimony, and I have no idea how to make a better life for my boy. I feel like I’m drowning. What do I even do now?"
My Take:
First of all, let me say this: You’re a warrior. The fact that you’ve been through hell, are still standing, and are prioritizing your son is a testament to your strength—even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
The situation you’re in is beyond tough, but it’s not hopeless. Let’s take this step by step.
1. Your Mental Health Comes First
- You can’t pour from an empty cup. If the dark thoughts are creeping in, it’s vital to seek help. There’s no shame in reaching out to a counselor or therapist—they can help you process everything you’ve been through and guide you toward healing.
- If therapy isn’t an option right now, start with hotlines or support groups. Just talking to someone who understands can make a difference.
Resource: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. They’re there to listen and help, 24/7.
2. Focus on Your Son’s Stability
- You’ve already done the hardest thing: securing custody and showing up for your son. Now it’s about creating a routine that gives him a sense of security and normalcy.
- Small, consistent efforts—like sharing meals, bedtime stories, or playing together—will go a long way in strengthening your bond and giving him a sense of safety.
3. Build Financial Breathing Room
- Look into resources like food stamps, child care assistance, and housing programs if needed.
- Explore side gigs that don’t demand much time but could help ease the financial strain. Freelance work, delivery services, or even selling unused items can bring in extra cash.
4. Rebuild, One Small Step at a Time
- Accept that you won’t fix everything overnight. Set small, achievable goals each week—whether it’s saving $10, tackling a legal question, or just carving out time for self-care.
- Celebrate even the smallest victories. They’ll add up.
5. Remember You’re Not Alone
- You’re not the only one who’s been through this, and there are communities out there that can offer support, advice, and even resources. Don’t be afraid to lean on them.
Helpful Resources:
- "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph – A fantastic guide to parenting boys, available on Amazon.
- Single Dad Network – Support and resources for single dads navigating tough times.
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