"Does anyone else deal with their kids saying things like, 'I don’t want to be at your house, Dad
,' or 'I told Mommy I didn’t want to come to your house,' when it’s your day to have them? I know these are just words, but hearing them stings, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing something wrong. It’s hard to navigate this when I just want to make our time together meaningful."
My Take:
Ah, welcome to the club—this is a struggle that so many parents face, especially after a separation or divorce. Trust me, you’re not alone. My youngest son used to cry for an hour after every drop-off. It wasn’t that he hated being with me; it was the adjustment, the transition, and sometimes, yes, kids just say hurtful things without realizing the impact.
The truth is, this isn’t necessarily about what you’re doing wrong. Kids say what they feel in the moment, and their emotions often don’t match reality. Right now, your job isn’t to “fix” this—it’s to keep showing up, creating positive moments, and being there consistently.
I’ll be honest, though—my relationship with my boys was rocky when they were young, and now that they’re older, it’s lukewarm at best. I didn’t push hard enough to bond back then, and I deeply regret it. Don’t let that happen to you. You have time to build something stronger, but it takes patience and effort.
Start small. Create a routine they can count on, whether it’s Saturday morning pancakes or movie night. Kids may grumble, but deep down, they crave connection and stability.
You’ve got this, Dad. This is a season, not a permanent state. And remember, you don’t need to be perfect—just present.
Resources to Explore:
- "The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed" by Jessica Lahey.
- "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" by Meg Meeker, M.D.
- A fun activity kit or board game to share quality time (Amazon has great options like "Kids Against Maturity").
- Website: CoParenting Solutions - Resources to help navigate shared custody challenges.
- Group: Local or online single-dad support groups to swap advice and connect with others in the same boat.
This phase isn’t easy, but it’s an opportunity to grow closer to your kids. Keep showing up, and in time, those words will fade, leaving the bond you’re building now. 💪
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