For the past 15 years, my identity has been centered on being a father first, a husband second, and a distant third, being myself.

 


"For the past 15 years, my identity has been centered on being a father first, a husband second, and a distant third, being myself. Now, with an impending divorce and my 15-year-old twins becoming more independent, I feel like I’ve lost my sense of self. My therapist says I need to find something for myself, but nothing seems to interest me. I’m not a reader, and while I plan to go to the gym, that’s just one hour a day. The thought of doing things alone feels overwhelming—I can’t imagine enjoying life without someone to share it with. I’ve loved being a dad, but now I feel lost and unsure how to handle this next phase."

My Take: First of all, you’ve spent 15 years putting everyone else first, and that’s admirable. But now it’s your time—not to start over, but to start expanding. The idea of doing things solo might feel strange at first, but with a few tweaks and some new connections, you’ll find yourself again.

Here’s the fast track to building your post-family social life:

  1. Meetup: The No-Excuse First Step:

    • Whatever you’re into—sports, cars, hiking, gaming—there’s probably a Meetup group for it. Sports fan? Find a watch party. Into cars? Check out a local Cars & Coffee event. Golf? There’s always someone needing a fourth for their group. The key is just showing up.

  2. The Grand Puba: Live Music at a Bar:

    • Few things connect people faster than live music and a drink in hand. Head to a local bar hosting live bands, grab a seat, and let the music do the social heavy lifting.

  3. Recruit Your First Friend:

    • Whether it’s a buddy who’s single or someone new you meet, your goal is to get that first connection. Then take it up a notch: start your own Meetup group around things you already love doing—watching games, fishing trips, or Sunday morning hikes.

  4. The Golden Nugget: Buy the First Round:

    • When you host an event or meet new people, buy the first round. It sets a great tone, positions you as the leader, and most importantly, people love generosity. Odds are, you won’t pay for another drink all night.

The secret sauce is creating opportunities for others to join you in what you’re already enjoying. You’re not just finding yourself—you’re building a network of people who share your interests.

Helpful Resources:

  1. Meetup.com – The quickest way to jump into group activities and meet new people.
  2. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie – Timeless advice for building connections, available on Amazon.

And remember: You’ve spent 15 years putting your family first, but now it’s time to invest in yourself. This is your chance to explore, connect, and create a life that’s just as full—on your own terms.

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