How do you decide if separation or divorce is the right move?

 

"How do you decide if separation or divorce is the right move? I have a kind and caring husband, but he doesn’t fulfill my emotional needs. He seems content with just getting by, but I want more out of life and our relationship. I haven’t been happy for a while, and even though we’re trying counseling, it doesn’t seem to be helping much. Should I accept what I have or take a chance on finding something better? I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts or experiences."

My Take: First, let’s acknowledge how tough it is to wrestle with these feelings. You’re not ungrateful for what you have—you’re just wondering if it’s enough. That’s a valid and courageous question to ask.

Counseling is a great step, but it’s not an instant fix. It’s like going to the gym—you don’t see results after one session. Give it time, but also be honest with yourself and your husband about your needs. A marriage can survive mismatched priorities if both partners are willing to meet in the middle, but it takes work—and both people need to put in the effort.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Is this about your husband or your overall life satisfaction?
• Have you clearly communicated your needs in a way he understands?
• Can you imagine a fulfilling future with him if things improve?

If the answers point to irreconcilable differences, separation might be the next step—not as an end, but as a way to get clarity. Sometimes space helps you see the bigger picture, whether it’s rekindling what’s lost or confirming the need to move on.

Helpful Resources:

1. "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum – A practical guide to making this decision, available on Amazon.
2. DivorceCare – A support network for those navigating separation or divorce.

And remember: You’re not selfish for wanting more. You’re human. The key is finding a path that honors both your happiness and your integrity.