My 16-year-old daughter refuses to go to school, and when she does, it’s constant arguments with teachers.

 "My 16-year-old daughter refuses to go to school, and when she does, it’s constant arguments with teachers. I’ve told her repeatedly that staying in bed all day doing nothing isn’t an option, but the battles never end. She’s been through mental health and eating disorder services, but tonight was the last straw. While in the car, she started another argument and even called me a c***. I feel completely defeated and exhausted. She’s told me multiple times she doesn’t like me, and I’m at my wit’s end. I don’t even know what I’m looking for—just needed to vent."

My Take: First off, you’re not alone in feeling drained—it’s tough managing a teen who’s struggling this much. You’re doing the right thing by staying engaged, even if it feels like you’re running on empty. Let’s talk about options that can provide structure, support, and a fresh start for your daughter.

If traditional school isn’t working, it’s worth exploring alternatives like Job Corps or military school. Job Corps is a free, government-funded program that offers education, vocational training, and life skills for teens and young adults. It’s a great option for kids who feel disconnected from the traditional school system but want to work toward a better future. Military school, on the other hand, provides a highly structured environment that fosters discipline and accountability—valuable tools for teens who need boundaries and routine.

Here’s a plan to regain control and present these options:

  1. Set Clear Boundaries:

    • Disrespect, like what happened in the car, needs to be addressed. Make it clear that while you understand her struggles, there are consequences for abusive language and behavior.

  2. Present Job Corps or Military School as Opportunities:

    • Frame them as ways to build independence and skills rather than as punishments. Highlight the benefits: Job Corps provides free training and education, while military school offers structure and discipline.

  3. Work on Rebuilding Trust:

    • Find small ways to connect with her outside of conflict—watch her favorite show, take her out for ice cream, or simply listen without offering solutions. Rebuilding trust can make her more open to considering these options.

  4. Keep Supporting Her Mental Health:

    • Revisit therapy if possible, especially someone experienced in helping teens with defiance and emotional regulation.

Helpful Resources:

  1. Job Corps – Visit jobcorps.gov to learn about this free program for teens and young adults.
  2. "Parenting the Defiant Teen: A Guide to Managing Difficult Behavior" by Russell A. Barkley – A practical guide, available on Amazon.

And remember: You’re not giving up on her—you’re giving her the tools to grow, even if it means making tough choices now. Programs like Job Corps or military school might be the fresh start she needs to find her footing.

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