I'm facing the ethical and moral dilemma of a lifetime.

"I'm facing the ethical and moral dilemma of a lifetime.

We’ve printed the paperwork for a no-contest divorce, and everything is peaceful. We’re still cool, just moving on.

Out of curiosity (or maybe boredom), I downloaded Tinder. Then I deleted it. Then I redownloaded it. Deleted it again. And then I downloaded it yet again—and got some matches.

I made it clear in my profile that I’m only looking for casual hookups, not a relationship. After 13 years together, I’m not ready—or willing—for anything serious. I haven’t responded to any messages yet, though.

Here’s the thing: We’re not getting back together. It’s over, and we both know that. So really, who cares, right? But on paper, we’re still married, and while I’m a lot of things, I don’t want to be a cheater. What should I do?"

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My Take:

First, let’s clear something up: Tinder is not the app where long-term commitments are forged. It’s the digital equivalent of a wink at a bar—playful, casual, and often fleeting. If you’re worried about stumbling into a new relationship, don’t be. Tinder isn’t about meeting “the one”—it’s about meeting “the one tonight.”

Now, as for your dilemma:

Ethics vs. Timing

You’re right to pause and think this through. Even though the relationship is over emotionally and practically, you’re still married on paper. If being officially divorced is important to your sense of integrity, waiting a few more weeks or months won’t kill you.

On the flip side, as long as both of you are clear it’s over and there’s mutual respect, is messaging a match really crossing a line? Maybe not. But if it’s gnawing at you, it’s better to hold off.

What You Should Do:

1. Give Yourself a Break
   You’ve been in a 13-year relationship. It’s natural to want to explore what’s next—even if it’s just swiping and casual flirting. A little digital window-shopping isn’t a crime.

2. Channel the Curiosity Elsewhere
   Instead of diving into Tinder, try something less loaded. Go out with friends, focus on a hobby, or hit the gym. Those “matches” aren’t going anywhere.

3. Wait for the Paperwork
   If being technically married is making you feel guilty, use this time to mentally prepare for single life. When the papers are signed, swipe with a clear conscience.

4. Don’t Overthink It
   You’re human. Whether you swipe left or right, it doesn’t define your character.

Helpful Resources:

1. "The Unexpected Joy of Being Single" by Catherine Gray – A refreshing perspective on enjoying life solo, available on Amazon.
2. Headspace App – Great for keeping your mind clear while you navigate this transition.

And remember: Tinder isn’t about finding “the one,” and no one is waiting for you to turn this into a Hallmark movie. You’re allowed to be curious, cautious, and a little chaotic all at once.

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