I’m in Tennessee and have emergency custody of my daughter.

 

"I have a question for any dads out there who’ve been through this. I’m in Tennessee and have emergency custody of my daughter. It wasn’t too difficult for me to get, and I currently have the option to allow supervised visits. We’re using my soon-to-be ex-wife’s grandmother for that.

Here’s my dilemma: I’m trying to play nice for my daughter’s sake, so I’ve agreed to allow supervised visitation for Christmas. My plan is to drop her off Saturday morning on my way to work and pick her up Christmas morning. But I’m worried—am I making the wrong decision? Could this hurt my chances of keeping custody long-term?

Right now, I allow visits every other weekend, and my daughter stays at grandma’s from Friday until I get off work Sunday. But during those visits, my ex leaves to do her own thing—most of the time getting drunk or whatever—while her grandmother takes care of my daughter. I don’t care what my ex does with her time, but it bothers me that she’s not actually parenting during her visits.

I’m scared that the courts might look at me allowing my daughter to be there and think, 'Well, if you weren’t that worried, why should we be?' On the other hand, I’m afraid that if I don’t allow visits, the courts will see me as withholding my daughter and force me to share custody more equally.

I know I can provide better structure and stability for my daughter, and that’s what I’m fighting for. I just don’t know what the right decision is here. Has anyone been through this? I could really use advice from someone who’s been in a similar situation."

My Take:

First, let me say this—I’m not a lawyer, so it’s absolutely critical that you speak to a family law attorney in Tennessee to make sure you’re making decisions that protect both you and your daughter. Lawyers can offer advice that’s tailored to your case and the specific laws in your state.

That being said, you’re asking all the right questions here. It’s clear you’re trying to balance being fair, following court orders, and doing what’s best for your daughter. And let me tell you, that’s not an easy line to walk.

Here are a few things to consider:

  1. Document Everything: If your ex is consistently leaving your daughter with her grandmother during visits, document it. Keep track of dates, times, and what happens. Courts look at patterns of behavior, and this shows that she’s not prioritizing parenting time.

  2. Your Worry About ‘Playing Nice’: You don’t have to be a pushover to look like a good co-parent. Courts want to see that you’re facilitating a relationship between your daughter and her mom, but they also want to see that you’re prioritizing your child’s well-being. Supervised visits with grandma are reasonable, especially given the circumstances.

  3. Talk to a Lawyer Before Changing Anything: I understand your concern about the court misinterpreting your actions, but before changing or limiting visits, consult an attorney. They can tell you whether withholding visitation could backfire or if you’re well within your rights given her behavior.

  4. Your Stability Is Key: You’re providing structure, stability, and care—that matters. The courts do care about which parent can offer the most consistent environment. Keep focusing on what’s best for your daughter.

Lastly, let go of the idea that you have to get this perfect. You’re clearly trying your best in a very difficult situation. Your daughter will benefit from having you in her corner. Keep showing up, stay calm, and get legal advice to make sure you’re protected.

Resources to Explore:

  1. "The Complete Guide to Protecting Your Child's Custody Rights" by David Pisarra – A straightforward book for dads navigating custody battles.
  2. "Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-Mouthing and Brainwashing" by Dr. Richard Warshak.
  3. Tennessee State Courts Family Law Resources – Official legal resources and guidelines specific to Tennessee custody cases.
  4. Website: Fathers' Rights Movement – A community of dads advocating for equal custody rights.
  5. Group: Join a single fathers’ support group (Like this one) on Facebook or Meetup to connect with others navigating custody issues.

Keep your head up—you’re doing the hard work of being a great dad, and it will pay off. 💪

Hashtags:
#SingleDadLife, #CustodyBattle, #FathersMatter, #CoParenting, #FamilyCourt, #ProtectYourKids, #FatherhoodJourney, #DoingWhatsRight, #DivorceSupport, #ChildCustody, #DadsRights, #StayStrongDad, #FamilyFirst, #TennesseeCustody, #LegalAdvice


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