I’m moving forward with divorce and have no idea what to do.

 

A Reader Asks:

"I’m moving forward with divorce and have no idea what to do. I’m going to call a lawyer to schedule a consult, but then what? Do I need to bring anything? Some additional info: I don’t work (leave of absence for a knee replacement), my husband’s the breadwinner. We live in Florida, married for four years, together for nine. Even if I worked, I wouldn’t make enough to support myself. We also have a ton of animals! How does that work? I feel so overwhelmed and distraught."

I’ve been where you are—15 years ago, I was facing a divorce with the same heavy heart. It’s overwhelming, no doubt about it, but let’s take this one step at a time and talk through your options. Divorce is a massive decision, and it’s not one to rush into. Before you make it final, there are avenues to explore that might give you clarity—or even a second chance.

Consider Reconciliation First

It sounds like the love isn’t entirely gone, and if that’s the case, have you tried everything? Counseling or mediation can sometimes open up communication channels that have been blocked for years. You’ve invested nine years together—four of them married—and it’s worth exhausting every effort before walking away. Sit down with him, talk honestly about what’s broken, and see if he’s willing to work on things.

If Divorce Seems Unavoidable, Slow Down

If you do move forward, don’t feel pressured to finalize things quickly. Dragging out the filing can give you time to sort your options, stabilize your situation, and maybe even reconsider if reconciliation is on the table. Florida’s divorce process isn’t quick—use that time wisely.

Living Arrangements

Since you’re not working right now, staying with family or close friends could be a lifeline. It’s a temporary step, but one that can help you save money, heal, and plan your next move without the pressure of immediate rent or housing expenses.

If staying with family isn’t an option, consider looking for a roommate situation. Shared housing is more affordable and can provide some emotional support. It’s also easier to manage financially while you get back on your feet.

Health and Financial Options

  • Disability and Healthcare: Since you’re recovering from a knee replacement and aren’t working, you may qualify for disability benefits or Florida’s healthcare options. This can help cover your living and medical expenses in the short term.
  • Job Training or Part-Time Work: Once you’re able, look into part-time work or training programs to build your financial independence gradually.

What About the Animals?

This is a tough one. As much as it hurts, housing that allows multiple animals, especially on a limited income, is rare. If you can, prioritize rehoming them with trusted friends or family. It’s not giving up on them—it’s ensuring they’re cared for while you rebuild your life.

What to Bring to Your Lawyer Consult

  1. Financial Documents:
    • Bank statements (personal and joint accounts)
    • Tax returns for the last 2-3 years
    • Pay stubs or proof of income for both you and your husband
  2. Assets and Debts:
    • List of properties, vehicles, savings, and investments
    • Details about loans, credit card debts, or other obligations
  3. Monthly Expenses:
    • Include rent, utilities, food, healthcare, and animal care costs.

Next Steps

  1. Call the lawyer and attend the consultation. But remember, just talking to a lawyer doesn’t mean you have to rush into filing.
  2. Research mediation options to avoid an expensive and emotionally draining court battle.
  3. Start networking with family, friends, and community groups for emotional and logistical support.

Helpful Resources:

  1. Job Corps – If you’re considering new career training or skills, Job Corps provides free educational and vocational training programs. It’s a great option for a fresh start.

  2. Florida Department of Children and Families – Offers information on healthcare programs, food assistance, and other state-supported benefits to help ease the transition.

  3. Legal Aid in Florida – If affording legal counsel is challenging, this site provides resources for free or low-cost legal assistance specific to Florida residents.

  4. The Humane Society’s Pet Resource Center – If rehoming animals becomes necessary, this resource can help you find safe and caring placements for them.

These resources can provide practical support and help lighten the load as you navigate the road ahead. Let me know if you’d like more suggestions!

Final Thoughts

Divorce is a hard road, but it’s not the end of the road. Take it one step at a time, keep your options open, and remember that this is a chance to rediscover yourself. You’re not alone, and you’re stronger than you think.

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