Tonight, I really messed up. I texted my ex

 

"Tonight, I really messed up. I texted my ex about the kids around 5 PM, and she didn’t respond. By 8 PM, I texted again asking if she was okay because I still hadn’t heard back. She finally replied, saying that responding to me wasn’t a priority.

I said, ‘Wow,’ then told her I hoped the kids would sleep well and wished her goodnight. Then she asked why I was even continuing the conversation. She said if I want to see the kids, I shouldn’t be texting her at all.

In a moment of weakness, I told her I still love her, and now I feel incredibly stupid. I’m embarrassed for admitting my feelings, pissed at myself for showing her I’m struggling, and ashamed for coming across as desperate. I don’t know what to do now."

My Take:

Let’s call this what it is: a lesson in what not to do when dealing with an ex. But don’t beat yourself up too much—you’re human, you’re hurting, and you’re trying to navigate an emotionally charged situation. It’s not easy, especially when there are still feelings involved.

Here’s the reality: She’s made it clear that the romantic part of your relationship is over. That doesn’t mean she’s heartless, but her priority is herself and the kids—not your feelings. The sooner you accept that and adjust your approach, the better off you’ll be emotionally and in your co-parenting relationship.

1. Stop Fishing for Emotional Responses

Texting her multiple times because she didn’t respond is a classic case of seeking reassurance. When she finally replied with “it’s not a priority,” she wasn’t being cruel—she was setting a boundary. She doesn’t owe you the emotional availability she used to, and chasing it only pushes her further away.

2. Confessing Love Won’t Bring Her Back

Telling her you still love her probably felt cathartic in the moment, but it’s not going to change her mind. In fact, it can come across as pressure or even guilt-tripping, which is the last thing you want.

3. Focus on the Kids, Not the Relationship

If she’s saying you shouldn’t be texting her unless it’s about seeing the kids, take that as your guide:

  • Keep communication short, factual, and focused solely on co-parenting.
  • Example: “What time can I pick up the kids tomorrow?”
  • Resist the urge to veer into personal feelings or anything unrelated to the kids.

4. Start Building Your Own Life

Here’s the truth you might not want to hear: She’s moved on emotionally, and you need to start doing the same.

  • Redirect the energy you’re spending on her into yourself and your kids.
  • Join a support group or talk to a therapist to process your feelings.
  • Start exploring hobbies, social activities, or anything that helps you rediscover you.

5. How to Avoid This in the Future

Next time you feel tempted to overshare or chase a response:

  • Pause. Take 10 deep breaths.
  • Ask yourself: “Is this about the kids, or am I seeking reassurance from her?”
  • If it’s the latter, don’t send the text. Journal it, talk to a friend, or save it for therapy.

Silver Lining:

Your embarrassment and shame are signs that you recognize this behavior isn’t working for you—and that’s good. It means you’re ready to do better. The pity angle won’t bring her back, but taking control of your emotions will help you heal and move forward.

Helpful Resources:

  1. "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan J. Elliott – A practical guide to letting go and rebuilding your life, available on Amazon.
  2. Co-Parenting Tips – Practical advice for keeping communication focused on the kids.

Hashtags:
#MovingOn, #BreakupRecovery, #CoParenting, #HealingJourney, #LifeAfterLove, #RebuildingYourself, #ParentingThroughDivorce, #NewBeginnings, #SelfGrowth, #EmotionalBoundaries, #ParentingSupport, #LettingGo, #LoveAndLoss, #StartingOver, #HealingFromHeartbreak, #CoParentingSuccess, #LifeAfterMarriage, #FocusOnKids, #HealingHeart, #BreakupWisdom, #SelfRespect, #EmotionalIndependence, #ParentingWins, #BoundariesMatter, #RediscoverYourself

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