When my ex-wife moved out, she moved in with a co-worker who is a lesbian
When my ex-wife moved out, she moved in with a co-worker who is a lesbian. While I don’t know all the details, there may have been some attraction, but the co-worker eventually asked her to move out and get her own place.
Now, the two of them do everything together with my 2.5-year-old daughter—things I would have loved to do first, like going to Disney World, celebrating holidays, and visiting local attractions like Christmas trails of lights. My daughter even refers to this co-worker’s parents as her 'grandparent people,' which stings since both my parents are still alive and involved in her life.
I’ve had a tough year financially, with an atypically bad year in sales, so I’ve had to cut back on spending. Meanwhile, my ex has taken my daughter on seven trips in the past year.
Lately, my daughter has started saying she doesn’t miss me and cries for her mom if she gets upset, even though we usually have a loving and communicative relationship. On top of it all, it’s been hard for me to meet new people or make close friendships due to working from home and focusing on my time with her.
Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this."
My Take:
First off, I want to say that I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been in a similar spot, and even 15 years later, I still feel echoes of those feelings—jealousy, bitterness, and a sense of loss. They’re tough emotions to navigate, and there’s no quick fix. That said, here are some thoughts that might help you find a way forward:
1. The Jealousy Is Natural—But It’s Also Distracting
- It’s hard not to feel resentful when someone else gets to share those “firsts” with your child, especially when financial struggles are holding you back. But try to focus on what you can control: the quality of the time you spend with your daughter. Kids value love and attention far more than expensive trips or activities.
2. Strengthen Your Bond in Your Own Way
- Create small, meaningful traditions that are uniquely yours. It doesn’t have to be a grand trip—it could be a weekly movie night, cooking her favorite meal together, or a special bedtime story routine. These moments will stand out in her memory just as much as trips to Disney.
3. Address the Emotional Distance
- Your daughter’s recent behavior—crying for her mom and saying she doesn’t miss you—is heartbreaking, but it’s not permanent. She’s still very young and likely doesn’t understand the power of her words. Keep showing her love and consistency, and don’t let this phase shake your confidence as her dad.
4. Broaden Your Support Network
- Working from home can feel isolating. Look into local parenting groups, single-parent meetups, or even community events where you can connect with others in similar situations. Building friendships will help you feel less alone and might even lead to shared activities with your daughter.
5. Acknowledge Your Bitterness—But Don’t Let It Consume You
- The bitterness of seeing your ex thrive while you struggle is tough to swallow. I’ve been there. But the hard truth is that holding onto that anger will only make it harder for you to move forward. Focus on your own progress, one small step at a time.
Helpful Resources:
- "The Co-Parenting Handbook" by Karen Bonnell – A great guide to navigating shared parenting dynamics, available on Amazon.
- Meetup.com – Find local groups for single dads or parents to help you connect with others in similar situations.
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